Born To Be Wild

(NOTE: I wrote most of this blog between July, 2006 and election day, 2008.  Some media references, then, may be outdated or unavailable.)

One of the most pleasant discoveries I've made recently is New Dimensions, which is a radio program that has been running for something like 35 years; mostly on public and educational radio stations. Their programs have, from the beginning, consisted of one hour interviews with some of the most interesting people on earth; people that seldom if ever make it into the mass media.

Now they've started to release many their past programs on mp3 files, and what a treasure trove they are. I've listened to such fascinating students of Consciousness as physicists Fred Alan Wolf, Frijtof Capra and David Bohm; biologist Rupert Sheldrake, shamanic practicitioners Sandra Ingerman and Gabrielle Roth, Dr. Roger Walsh, IONS founder, Dean Radin, teacher of Vippassana Meditation, Sri Goenka, shamanic expert Ruth Inge Heinze, mystic Eckhart Tolle, Jewish shaman, Rabbi Michael Lerner and others.

I'm currently listening to writer and ecologist, Jesse Wolf Hardin, who has lived in a remote canyon in New Mexico for twenty-five years. He is of the tradition of the 19th century transcendentalists, Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson, as well as the original ecologist, John Muir.

There is obviously a place for people like Hardin in (or out) of the world. I think that he serves as something of a beacon for those of us who struggle through the day-to-day chaos and madness of 21st century America; just as for others, the idea of going to a beautiful South Seas island can offer the dream of escape.

Yet I can't help but wonder how pure his motives were. As I listen to Hardin extol the virtues of forsaking the world and escaping (my word) to as far away from all this as possible, how he admits that he escaped because of a number of bad relationships.

While this may be certainly a legitimate reason for wanting to go to a beautiful sacred canyon in New Mexico, it also seems to me less than wholly admirable.

There are many days I too want to escape from all the shit one must put up with living in a city. Just driving to and from work can "try the patience of a saint".

It is interesting, for example, to be listening to"The Roots of Buddhist Psychology", by Jack Kornfield and trying to get into the frame of mind he describes when someone cuts you off or blows a stop sign right in front of you so that you have to slam on your brakes hard. Or to arrive home after a hectic and exhausting day at work and hear a neighbor blasting Death Metal music on his front porch for all his neighbors to enjoy.

So while I'm glad that Jesse Wolf Hardin was able to make a successful escape from real life, his story is far less compelling than others who didn't have the ability or the inclination to become a monk living in the desert. Actually, he does live with a woman who shares his psychology, so in that respect, he claims that he is totally fulfilled. Again, I truly am happy for him, but for the rest of us who must wage our daily battles with the forces of negativity and evil that exist in the world in which most must live, his books offer little more than escapist reading.

In this regard, I have an update on a recent post about my use of Paxil.

My attempt in the past few months to decrease my use of this SSRI drug was an interesting experiment. After eleven years, I though that, along with a renewed practice of meditation, I could open myself up to experience life more "in the raw" without reverting to the way I was without Paxil.

As time went along, I didn't notice anything adverse. What was happening just under the surface, however, was that I was beginning to experience an intensity of thinking and emotion.

An example of this is that the more I meditated--something that should be inherently relaxing--I began to focus more on my techniques: my technique of sitting, my technique of breathing, my technique of using the sitting pillow and pad and my technique of using mudras or hand gestures. Other things in my life were also becoming more intense, including my emotional states.

Then last Saturday, I found out I'd made a foolish mistake in the purchase of an airline ticket and that to correct it, I'd have to pay nearly one thousand dollars.

I won't say that normally this wouldn't have upset me, but Saturday I basically went ballistic, both on the phone with two unfortunate Indian support people from the travel agency, and at home as I yelled and threw things around for a good five minutes.

This was the kind of reaction to a stressful event I hadn't experienced for many years.

While I eventually got over this, It finally struck me that there had been a negatively significant change in my demeanor. I decided the next morning that in order to try to return to the equanimity I'd enjoyed for so many years, I'd start increasing my Paxil again. I don't know how much I'll increase it, but just going from 10mg to 20mg has made me feel much better.

For me, this points out how so much of our response to reality is a result of our brain chemistry and gets me wondering if changes to the world can ever truly be made with a spiritual approach only. Perhaps science and medicine can assist spirit in this goal.

Knowing how much Paxil helped me in my life, I often wonder if the obsessions (for money, sex, drugs, power, etc.) so many possess can be mitigated to some extent with the intelligent modification of brain chemistry through the use of these and other powerful psychoactive drugs.

I don't believe that this possibility can or should be ignored.