The older I get, and the more studying I do, the more impressed and--as the British say--the more gobsmacked I become about this 100 trillion cell organism called homo sapiens.

Without associating myself with the small-minded dogmatists who use the term, I have become convinced that none of this could have happened without some kind of Intelligent Design or intelligent design. From the powerful amazing computer known as DNA, to the incredibly complex interaction of chemicals that make it all perform almost flawlessly for as many as a hundred years or more, we are truly amazing organic machines.

Since this is the system that is the home for the human brain--the most unique part of us in relation to the rest of the animal world--research to find out how the brain works can be at least as adventurous an undertaking as is exploring the outer solar system.

Since brain chemistry influences the mind, and therefore our perception of reality, it is important to understand that the most recent area of man's evolution is with the brain.

It's apparent to me that there is still a long way to go before the brain works as well as the other systems in our bodies. The brain, in fact, can actually work against its own evolution because of the many powerful chemicals that work on its activity. And since the mind can both influence and be influenced by the brain, any study of our material reality has to include a discussion of this chemistry.

The systematic study of the mind is a very recent activity. While philosophers have speculated on its workings over the ages, it is perhaps only with the work of Sigmund Freud that we began to find out how this untidy mass of gelatinous material actually operates.

In this post, I am not concerned with consciousness as such. Instead I am writing about the ways our minds are pushed and pulled through life by the chemicals involved in the brain's operation.

The reason I'm writing this is because of one particular brain chemical, a neurotransmitter called serotonin, and how its activity can affect the brain in wonderful--and not so wonderful--ways.

I've mentioned before that for about ten years, I've been taking a drug called Paxil, which is one of the family of SSRI drugs. Their purpose is to slow down the re-absorption of serotonin by the brain after it has performed its simple task of passing a chemical signal from one neuron to another.

While its task is simple, serotonin is a chemical, the importance of which shouldn't be underestimated. According to its Wikipedia entry, "serotonin is believed to play an important role in the regulation of anger, aggression, body temperature, mood, sleep, vomiting, sexuality, and appetite." It is, in fact, the neurotransmitter that helps us maintain an emotional balance in a world that is increasingly stressful and chaotic.

While the effects were subtle at first, a few weeks after I began taking Paxil, I noticed that many of the things that would formerly have sent me down a mental road to depressive or obsessive thoughts, or would cause me to immediately react with anger and aggression, failed to do so.

After so many years, the peace that this gave me was very welcome and I've never since looked back or wanted to cut back on my dosage...until now.

Sometimes, I have found, a wonder drug like Paxil can be too much of a good thing; especially when one wants the brain to be more receptive to the affects of other ways of mediating our ways of thinking.

For instance, I've read that if I should ever want to use a psychedelic substance like Ayahuasca, or indeed any serotogenic substance (one that works on the serotonin receptors) they will be less effective because of using an SSRI. In fact, because of an effect substances with DMT have on a particular enzyme, using them with an SSRI can be dangerous.

All psychedelic drugs work on two types of receptors; dopamine and serotonin. The class of psychedelics known as tryptamines, which include LSD, DMT and psilocybin, work on two serotonin receptors specifically. The class called phenethylamines, which include mescaline and MDMA (Ecstacy), affect the dopamine receptors. When I say that these substances affect the receptors, I mean that they mimic the neurotransmitters that normally fit into the receptors, thereby producing the same excitory or inhibitory effects as the original.

Dopamine receptors work primarily with the pleasure centers of the brain. Therefore when one loads up these receptors (with heroin, for instance), the cells that create the feeling of pleasure maintain the feelings until the the drug is used up. Since the pleasure drive is so strong and since dopamine is such a powerful neurotransmitter for affecting our sense of pleasure, the psychological need to maintain this feeling is greatly reinforced.

Unfortunately, the brain's own dopamine production can be greatly reduced by the use of many of these drugs, so that by eliminating the drugs, the ability to feel pleasure is also greatly reduced. Hence the need for more and more of the drug.

Serotonin works on different receptor cells; again mostly for maintaining emotional and physical equilibrium. It can be used up more quickly by increased stress, and since one of the byproducts of serotonin metabolism is melatonin, a sleep aid, the reduction of melatonin can lead to less sleep, which can result in most stress. This, then, can become a vicious cycle.

Generally, people don't have a great deal of knowledge about this kind of brain chemistry, although besides drugs, we use many different kinds of brain chemicals; including chocolate, nicotine, caffeine and many others. Nicotine, in fact, is such a powerful brain chemical that along with ayahuasceros--shamans who use Ayahuasca to transport them to other realms of reality--there are also tabaqueros, who use very strong tobacco for the same purpose.

So playing with our brain chemistry is done without a lot of forethought. One of the important facts about using any of the SSRI drugs is that it must be introduced slowly into the the system. It can take as long as three weeks to reach the optimum levels. Alternately, it must be stopped just as slowly. Yet, while I'm sure that most physicians who prescribe these drugs do advise their patients about these precautions, our laissez-faire attitude about drugs can cause problems.

A couple months ago, I decided that I'd like to be more open to new mental or spiritual experiences. I decided to halve my daily dosage with the possibility that I'd perhaps even stop it altogether. I slowly decreased my Paxil and felt no ill effects, although my wife claims that I was somewhat more quick to react to things. Changes can be very subtle and so sometimes it takes another person to point out these changes. I decided to stay at the half level for awhile.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, I was out working in the yard. I worked pretty hard on Saturday and felt fine, but after working for a few hours on Sunday I began to feel nauseous and generally blah. For the next week, I felt out of sorts and attributed this to a virus. We had recently had an explosion of mosquitoes after a lot of rain, and god knows what they might be carrying besides West Nile Fever, Bird Flu or Malaria.

But I was having another symptom that made no sense.

There is a common symptom that happens to people when they go off Paxil too quickly. It is called the "Paxil zaps", and can only be described as a sensation and sound that occurs when you move your eyes. It's almost like a swooshing sound and sensation inside your head.

I'd had these feelings years ago when I was self-adjusting my dosage, but I hadn't had them since.

But now, I was feeling them again. For me they were little more than an annoyance. For some people, the zaps can almost drive them crazy.

So, was this symptom just how this particular virus was affecting me? I was confused and decided to go to the Internet for answers. At a site called QuitPaxil, I read the discussion of this symptom and many others. But it seemed that most of these people on the forum got them after they'd stopped Paxil too quickly. I hadn't done that.

But wait!

Exactly a week after these symptoms began, I noticed something. Part of my drug regimen includes a Type 2 Diabetes drug called Metformin. It comes in a large oval white pill. Paxil comes in a similar (but only slightly similar) smaller shape. It too is white. I use a pill cutter to cut the pill in half.

I'd noticed for a few days that my Paxil was harder to cut in half. But since my pill taking is fairly automatic these days, I didn't think anything more about it. Then as I was taking my lunchtime Metformin, I noticed that the half pill in the pill cutter looked very similar.

Upon closer examination, I realized with a start that I'd been cutting my Metformin in half and actually not taking my Paxil at all! For how long I'm not sure. It could have been as short as 5 days, or as long as...well I just couldn't tell. But immediately, I understood the symptoms. They were classic I quit Paxil cold-turkey symptoms.

While I felt relieved, I also felt quite stupid since my wife has been trying to convince me for years to get a pill container that allows for two weeks worth; all nicely separated. But I felt that that was for old people who couldn't remember when to take their pills. This certainly wasn't necessary for me!

Ahhh, yes. We still have a long way to go before this wonderful organ called the brain works as effectively as it could. So while I work towards visiting the other worlds of reality, I must remember that I can do a hell of a lot of damage in this one if I don't act smarter.